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8:42 am - Wednesday, Feb. 7, 2007
seedling
(This entry is from my old diary. This is what happened when I found out I was pregnant.) Ummm............
I'm pregnant.

Last night I bought a pregnancy test at CVS and snuck it in the bathroom and took it without my boyfriend knowing. I didnt want him to freak out for no reason. My periods are usually quite irregular and unpredictable and Ive had "false alarms" before. But this time I had a strange feeling...Monday morning Tim woke up and said he had a very vivid dream that we had a baby and that he was holding her. He said it was a girl and that she looked just like me. He also said the dream felt very real and that he felt like a father in it.

So, the next day (Tuesday), I decided to take the test...so there I am...nervously huddled over the pee stick while Tim obliviously strums his guitar in the next room. I felt my heart pounding out of my chest and I got lightheaded and almost past out as I watched the lines appear. I shoved the test in my purse and *tried* to enter the bedroom nonchalantly but Tim immediately stopped playing and asked what was wrong. He always knows when something's up with me. So barely able to breathe, I said: "Ummmm......(looong pause).......I'm pregnant."

We hugged and stared at eachother and decided to go for a drive. We got coffee and smoked ciggarettes and came to the agreement that we were both scared but we would be ok. I got calmer and calmer. Weve always been in love with eachother and if I'm going to have a baby, I want it to be with him. But at this point I think I am in shock and a bit delirious. I didnt sleep a wink last night. I spent all night researching about methadone and pregnancy on the internet. God I need to lay down.......my mind is moving way to fast.

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